The Expansion of the Mid-Life Crisis

There was a time when a mid-life crisis was associated with someone giving up their old family life in exchange for a new and potentially more exciting one with a new partner.  For some people, there’s the temptation to start again and to put right the wrongs that we may have done to ourselves when young. The benefit of hindsight is all. 

For the past 15 months, of course, survival has been uppermost in our minds and the idea of uprooting ourselves from that which is familiar and dear has taken a back seat. It may be that, as we finally come out of lockdown, all the old grievances will return and people will make changes but presently we’re still taking stock.

Strangely enough, I’ve found myself acting a bit more as a life coach than a counsellor over the past few weeks. I particularly recall "meeting" two people away from the therapy room, two people who will remain memorable because of the brave decisions they have taken as a result of lockdown.

The first person’s work was not affected by the pandemic, in fact there was probably more work available than before and they could work successfully from home. The person - who I know professionally but have never met - shocked me by saying they had decided to leave their safe steady employment and go it alone. 

They told me it was a decision that had surprised them too because they had expected to work hard, pay into their pension and retire earlier but with good financial backup. The only drawback was a young child who would see less of them now but would have better financial security later. Now, they were jumping into the complete unknown in order to spend more time with their child because who knew what the future would bring. They did know that the decision would mean having to work harder later in life and for longer. 

The decision was taken in part by seeing the completely unpredictable and previously unimaginable effect of Covid on the lives of work colleagues as well as their own family members. It was, they decided, a price well worth paying.

The other person I met - in real life, for an exciting change - had seen their business collapse as a result of lockdown. That had led to them experienced a worsening of a mental health problem they already had and caused them to reconsider their direction of life travel. This person was still in the process of working out how best to manage the new life but was convinced it was the right decision and there would be no going back.  

I felt privileged to be taken into someone else's confidence and pleased to discover that other's were already making their own plans for what happens after lockdown eases. I've been reading so much about what businesses are expecting that I'd lost sight of the other side of the coin and it was good to reflect it is not just about businesses making choices, we can too.  

We are told some businesses who are keen to save costs will be encouraging people to work from home. 

Some workers will like that. They have become used to working from home and want to stay with that scenario. Others, who have been confined to one-bedroom living and deprived of social interaction for a long time, are keen to get back to the world of work and the water-cooler moments at the very least. For them, these past 15 months have been particularly hard. 

 

Other professionals - legal and accountancy firms for example - say trainees or newly qualified staff learn by seeing how the more experienced staff members operate, a type of learning by osmosis that cannot be picked up by Zoom or Teams meetings. They will be required to return to the office.

However it works, it seems like we’ll all need to learn to adapt to some degree. Hugs in or out? Handshakes? Palms together with a polite head bow and a quiet Namaste greeting? Or that elbow touching that seems so last year now?

And what about our physical appearance? The dress code from top to bottom, that is, rather than the smart head-to-waist ensemble that Zoom users favour. Will we be expected to dress up again in office outfits or will the strict delineation of the recent past be one of the first things to go in our new old world?  That might be hard if you’re someone whose boundaries are a bit more elastic than you would like. 

Decisions, decisions. We’ll all have to face them sooner or later, even our politicians. 

But what leaves me with a lasting feeling of good cheer is how some individuals are not waiting to be told how it’s going to work and are making their own decisions. They have used both emotion and reason to mull over the options, consider the consequences and decide what they believe will work best for them. 

I am very hopeful and wish my two mid-life crisis changelings all the very best. 

By Lulu Sinclair

Photo 1: Jonathan Francisca on Unsplash

Photo 2: Christina@wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

Love The One You're With

The pandemic has had a dramatic effect on the communication skills of very small children, according to a recent study of some 50,000 children between the ages of four and five.

The survey was conducted for the Education Endowment Foundation, an independent charity, and the findings indicate up to 25% of children in this age category have fallen behind over this past year. 

These figures may come as a surprise to those people who have not had much contact with small children but, to those of us who have, we have been expecting it. 

And while it’s bad for those children at the start of their school lives, I would argue it's as bad for children who are still at the nursery stage of schooling.

My own experience children of pre-school children (and I've observed and spent a fair bit of time with several of them over the past year) is that they, too, have at the very least stood still, if not actually taken a metaphorical step backwards. Those little people who were toddling towards life outside their immediate family have had their learning curves severely curtained. 

The children who were smiling and laughing and beginning to form words and make connections outside their family nucleus up to the middle of March last year have been abruptly pulled back to return to an isolated existence that we who can communicate easily have found very disheartening. If we can talk about and still feel bad, what must it mean for those small humans who are not yet able to get any words out, let alone the right ones.

We know that new-born babies are instinctive and animal-like, sensing what hurts, frightens and angers them and letting parents and carers know what’s going on inside through their cries. They need love, nurturing, attention and comfort and, with luck, they will grow and thrive. We also know, through recent studies, that unborn babies recognise their mother’s voice inside the womb, and they are attuned to it. They are programmed from even before their birth to be ready to respond to the first person they meet. 

For the non-specialist observer, we see that it’s as babies grow into toddlers and small children that they develop and learn from those who are ahead of the game the skills to move them from their own inner world into our infinitely more complicated but potentially even more fascinating world. 

So, what happens if it all stops still as it has for this past year? Who on earth knows? This is the first experience any of us has had of an event like this and we have no idea about long-term effects. We can only hope they will be few for those of this age but, as Babette Rothschild, explains in The Body Remembers, we may well store memories of traumatic events somatically - within our bodies - and, even if we’re not consciously aware of it, they may leave some of us with some scars.

Returning to my own experience, I’ve watched children who, a year ago, ran into nursery without a backward glance become hesitant to move away from those they have been so deeply connected to, while others have very clearly refused to separate. It feels a bit like Groundhog Day and a repeat and relearning of a process we thought we had moved beyond. And add to that the complication of adults wearing masks and you have a real problem in the making.

There is a nursery near where I live and I’m fortunate enough to have been given a bird’s eye view of the what’s going on both past and present. There’s a complete mixture of children with some parents dropping off their children from top-of-the-range cars while others drop off from around the corner, pushing the little ones in their buggies or giving them a helping hand via a scooter.

There’s a delay in the time the children arrive and the time the nursery opens. I see some parents chatting, laughing and chasing their child and/or children’s friends and really engaging in the moment. That’s a privilege and gives me a cheerful start to my day.

Others - I’m afraid I’ve particularly noticed mums doing it - are glued to their smart phones. A child may be walking near a tree or a bit of the garden and trying to point something out to said mother who continues, engrossed, with earpiece in ear, phone in hand and absolute disconnection with child. Gradually, the child gives up the attempt to engage with the adult and seems to begin a withdrawal process. I recognise what’s happening by the child’s body language as it closes in on itself. 

That’s what’s been happening to everyone this past year. Those of us with connections to little people need to keep this in mind. Put the phone to one side, concentrate on who you have in front of you and relearn the language. Make eye contact, use nursery rhymes to help the memory get going again and be there for them. Right now, small children need a very great deal of adult help to reconnect with the rest of us. 

By Lulu Sinclair

First photo: Colin Maynard on Unsplash

Second photo: Atikah Akhtar on Unsplash

 

Fools Rush In

On Friday, April 9, 2021 at 10.40am, I was proceeding in a north-easterly direction … okay, enough of that.

I was driving across a London bridge going from south to north when a police motorbike outrider - coming from east to west - drove up ahead of me and decisively indicated for me to stop. I did. There was no messing with that man.

Soon after, another outrider came by and, seconds later, a Range Rover passed speedily by, driven by someone who I recognised as a “minor” royal.

If I’d been part of the Twitterati gang, I’d have parked up and done a quick and concise indignant rant about how wrong it was that such a royal was taking up police time and my road space, etc. etc.  

As it was, I just thought it and drove on.

At 12 noon, I was still in the car with my social-bubble permitted passenger and listening to some trivial and fairly bland radio programme. The notification from Sky News came through around 12.06 via my friend's watch. Prince Philip had died. 

I experienced two sudden and unexpected emotions. On a personal level I was surprised and shocked at the news. That surprised me even further when I reflected that I’d known he was ill and he was also 99. The death of a man of that age should neither shock nor surprise me. However, that’s the point with emotions, they are not always what you expect them to be.

Professionally, as an ex-news journalist, I was on it. It was exciting. Breaking news, adrenalin-pumping stuff and a “proper” story, not something extended well past its sell-by date to fill a 24-hour news agenda. 

And how had Sky got it first rather than the BBC (I was listening to a BBC radio station)? A story of such magnitude and Sky had beaten the BBC to it. Impressive. I asked my passenger to twiddle the knobs and see if it was on any other BBC radio station. It seemed not. But, just then, the BBC’s separate airwaves dissolved into one as the BBC announced the news with its own inimitable gravitas, followed by the playing of the National Anthem.

At the sound of the National Anthem, I felt a lump in my throat and my eyes filled with tears. As someone trained to notice the emotional reaction of others, I was quick to reflect on my own and, once again, quite taken aback. I’m not a great fan of the National Anthem which has a dirge-like quality to my ears and I’ve never had that sort of that reaction to it before. It was all a little strange.

My journey had some way to go so I listened to stories told about Prince Philip by people who knew him or had some connection. I knew many of them already but some were new and made for interesting listening. I liked the one or two clips they aired of Philip himself talking. He sounded thoughtful and reasonable and far more of a “whole” person than the figure-of-fun I and many others had laughed at as we read about his various gaffes. I enjoyed the tributes and was glad of the time to listen.

Some time later but still on the journey (it was a long, necessary one of three hours), I thought back to the moments soon after we’d set out. The police outriders, the Range Rover, the “minor” royal and companion who were dashing from east to west via the Embankment. 

That was the road to take if you were going off to the M3 or M4. The outriders supporting the driver and passenger were speeding through at 10.40am. Had they already heard the news and were hurrying to Windsor?

I don’t know, I’m never going to know but it is a bit of a coincidence. 

And then I reflected a little more about how I’d have reacted if I’d had that Twitter account to hand. Imagine a self-satisfied, smug outburst with my thoughts on what royals should and shouldn’t do. Once I’d heard the news, I’d have felt embarrassed and, perhaps, a little ashamed.

I was reminded of the Biblical proverb along the lines of: “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.” Reflection and thought before action seems wise.

By Lulu Sinclair

Photo 1 by: Adam Jones on Unsplash

Photo 2 by: Flickr user Steve Punter

 

  

In Search of the Other

It feels as though we’re in the middle of a witch hunt. Or witch hunts to be precise. Against anyone and everyone, whoever they are.

The most recent cause is the allegations against public schoolboys. I imagine it’s particularly about boys at those schools because they’re single sex and often boarding schools so you have rampant emotions (I’m saying that rather than hormones because we humans are more than the sum of our parts) in a confined space. A bit like lockdown really.

First, I need to do the disclaimer. Of course sexual harassment and abuse is unacceptable at any time. There is never any excuse for it.

And now we come to the “but” and it is a very big “but”.

Is it right that schoolboys who, if under the age of 18, are still regarded in law as children, should now be facing the same sort of stigma that the adult men from the #MeToo movement have, when convicted, rightly faced?

Head teachers, afraid of offending the strident social media brigade, are threatening to name and shame, suspend and do whatever it takes to keep their school’s reputation intact. And so we instantly lose the presumption of innocence principle, one of the key tenets of our law. And then what?

Well, that’s where the comparison with the witch hunts come into it. At that horrific, unjust time, women and girls were the victims, as they have been so often in history. Some might argue that it’s time the boys/men learned what it’s like to be a victim but surely it’s not okay to revert to a primitive and unlearned style of law just because we presently seem to be led by the witchfinder-generals of social media.

I’m wondering if the problem is connected with the “other”. That which we do not recognise - or wish to recognise - within ourselves, we put onto others. 

The “other” carries the can for the qualities we disapprove of - we would never act inappropriately with a man/woman/girl/boy but the “other” would. It is a convenient way of forgetting that we all have a dark side and sometimes do things we would not like our loved ones to know about. 

By joining in the baying of the crowd, we can disavow unwanted feelings within ourselves and push them into the “other”, distancing ourselves from our own darkness within.

This is not new; it is only human to want people to think the best of us.

What is new is the speed at which rumours and accusations circulate and quickly become accepted facts. Less than a month ago I had no idea such things were happening. In a month, unless I remember I’m a logical and rational adult, I will be taking these stories as fact.

I am concerned that we are so busy living in the parallel universe world that social media has become that we will begin to believe it is the real world. It is not.

Meanwhile, the young men and boys targeted will be at risk of being stigmatised as they go through life while the witch finders have moved on to another cause. How will that help us in our future society? I remember some years ago, a famous person was rightly chastised for saying: “All men are rapists”. Now, it seems to me at least, some groups in society are almost ready to accept this as true. Again, it is not. 

For society to work as well as it can, men and women need to find a way of getting on together. At a very basic level, we need each other in order to have children and bring up the next generation. Humans work best in a group and the first group we all know of is the family one. Fortunately, in our western world, many of us manage that but my fear is the virtual world is encroaching too much on our reality.   

Before this blog turns into despondency, I’d like to offer some positive thoughts. Perhaps parents could stop trying to be their children’s best friends and remember they are the responsible adults. They need to teach their boys to respect and like girls and women, acknowledging their differences and not seeing them solely as objects of desire or fantasy. I know that’s a big ask when it comes to teenagers but, hopefully, the inner cautions and considerations will remain in place.  

As for the parents of girls, our society is very keen on women being compliant and feminine - think of the tough adjectives used to describe successful and uncompromising women and you’ll get my drift.

If we really want women to be strong and assertive, we need to respect and accept them as they are, not try to return them to the girlie mode with which we may feel more comfortable.

We need to allow and encourage our daughters to say “no” and to respect the girls when they do. We are sending out mixed messages all the time. We tell our girls they can be anything they like, they are equal to men. Great. That’s fine. But the problem is that we don’t like assertive women who we may be inclined to describe as “bossy” when it suits us. How can we expect them to say no with confidence and certainty that they will be respected if we don't show them that same level of approval from a very early age?

Our children - both girls and boys - need to be taught to respect and appreciate the “other” from a very early age. And they need to know we have their backs.

By Lulu Sinclair

Photo 1: Hannah Troupe on Unsplash

Photo 2: Bilal Bozdemir on Unsplash

Photo 3: Juliane Liebermann on Unsplash

The Power of Hypnosis

The subject of hypnosis is a source of endless fascination. Some people consider it almost on a par with sorcery or magic tricks while others see it as a useful and important resource to be widely recognised and used within the medical profession.   

Many people are familiar with seeing stage hypnotists performing the art of “putting people to sleep” and making them do things that they wouldn’t do in their ordinary everyday lives. 

In reality, hypnosis is a phenomenon of the human mind. It is a natural state - a form of intense concentration or focus in which the state of mind is relaxed and open to suggestion. It is a state which most of us experience every day.

You don’t have to be “put to sleep” to be hypnotised. In fact, we have all experienced different levels of hypnotism. 

For example, you could be described as being in a hypnotic state when you are absorbed in one activity - watching TV for example - while hearing someone talking to you but not taking in what they are saying. 

Or you might be driving somewhere in your car with no conscious awareness of the tasks you were performing to get there - you just arrive at your destination.

Hypnosis has been around for many centuries and is considered to be one of the foremost psychological interventions, mainly in the form of self-hypnosis. People who meditate, chant, perform repeating rituals are all undertaking a form of hypnosis.

It is used in hospitals, clinics, and GP surgeries as a psychological tool to improve the health and well-being of individuals and, increasingly, psychologists are using it as an additional tool to change behaviours, habits and managing pain.

Hypnosis is often used successfully for breaking bad habits - such as smoking - as well as changing certain behaviours, for example overcoming insomnia. It has also been used as an anaesthetic for pain relief and operations. 

In the medical field, dentists are increasingly using hypnosis to help patients control their fears of visits to the dentist or, once fears are calmed, as a way of treating teeth grinding and other mouth conditions.

Surgeons, too, are beginning to use hypnosis as part of their toolkit to help patients deal with pain and fears of surgery. Hypnosis is even being deployed as a sedation technique for a specific type of brain tumour where the surgery requires the patient to stay awake because the tumour is close to the areas that control vision, language and body movements and the surgeon needs to ensure these vital abilities remain intact.   

Studies into how hypnosis works have found the brain of those people who were hypnotised underwent significant change. They also found that hypnosis is not about being unconscious or asleep but rather that the process involves a distinct form of consciousness. 

Scientists found there were three significant changes when a person was under hypnosis.

1.    There was a decrease in activity in the part of the brain associated with emotion and the processing of thoughts. That meant the person under hypnosis was so absorbed in the process they could not worry about anything else. 

That allowed for a reduction of stress levels and the production of cortisol, a substance that is produced when the body is under stress but excessive production is not good for our general well-being. 

 2.    There was an increase in the brain-body connection. This allowed for a change to occur between thoughts and behaviours.  It is a powerful way to change the way we use our mind to control our view of things and our bodies.

3.      Finally, they found that there was a disconnection between someone’s actions and their awareness of performing these actions. So, in reality, when we are engaged in doing something, we don’t think about it, we just get on with it. Hypnosis allows a person to engage in activities that are self-suggested or suggested by a clinician without being self-conscious. This enables them to practice new ways of behaving, thinking and feeling that they can incorporate into their daily lives.

The wonder of hypnosis is that it can be used across a range of disciplines and not just for mental well-being. It has also been used to improve sports performances - many athletes have used it to overcome physical and psychological barriers to progress in their field. Tiger Woods began using hypnotism at the age of 13 to help focus and block out distraction on the golf course.

Hypnosis is even used by the police, with the Crown Prosecution Service in England and Wales producing specific guidelines on the use of hypnosis for the police service. While evidence given under hypnosis may not be admissible in court, it has been used to pursue leads or open other lines of enquiry.

Finally, an important discovery by scientists is the essential link between the desire to be hypnotised and successful outcomes. In other words, hypnosis works best when a client is highly motivated and is working with a highly trained therapist who recognises and understands their client’s particular problem. 

As a professional with some 30 years of experience in this field, I am passionate about using hypnosis to help people change their lives and I am proud to have the opportunity to showcase the many benefits that hypnosis can bring. Please get in touch if you'd like to learn more.

By Meera Mehat

A fuller version of this blog can be found here on my personal website.  

Photo 1: MK Hamilton on Unsplash

Photo 2: Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash

Photo 3: Free To Use Sounds on Unsplash

 

A Quest For The Best

A social media posting by an unknown American has been viewed more than 100,000 times. That sounds like a pretty respectable number. What makes it more amazing, however, is that it’s a tribute to the UK.

Imgur user Chimichanga007 - no, I wasn't sure what Imgur was either - says s/he lived in the UK for a couple of years and now has “survivor’s guilt after experiencing living in a sane country compared to America”. The poster says the difference between the US - where s/he has travelled widely - is “night and day”. 

Continuing in the spirit of my last blog in which I looked for the positives in our present situation, I thought it might be an idea to look outward again to find what I have to look forward to while in isolation and with a never-ending number of weeks still to go. There’s a saying that it’s always darkest before the dawn and I, at any rate, am not enjoying the darkness. I am impatient for release.

So, while we’re stuck in this limbo land, I’ve begun to wonder what we do have going for us now in Britain? Yesterday's day of sunshine was one to grab and cling to as a memory. Go outside every time you catch a glimpse, you never know when it’s going to return. It’s a real mood lifter at any time but especially now.

Spring is springing. I’ve spotted daffodils, tree blossom and the powerful yellow of my neighbour’s mimosa tree. It’s hanging dangerously over the weighed-down fence but there we go. It’s a privilege that will be worth paying for.

Other countries may have warmer and more consistent weather but our seasons certainly give us something to talk about. I wonder where else in the world people talk endlessly about the changeable weather and/or joyfully drop everything to go outside and just feel a bit of that warmth on our bones. Maybe some might say we - I - am easily pleased. That’s probably true and that may be while I can still find things to laugh at when I don’t feel much is a laughing matter right now.

And so we come on to the British sense of humour. That’s a tricky one to define, particularly if you watch the various and varied TV programmes and wonder what happened to our “world class” entertainment industry. Maybe it’s still in lockdown. 

But on a personal level, many of us still have a wry and self-deprecating way of looking at life. It is seen as distinctly British and a characteristic that entertains and amuses those outside the country. Shows such as Fawlty Towers and Monty Python come to mind. I remember someone from overseas telling me they’d come to Britain purely on the basis of seeing Monty Python. I hope the reality wasn't too disappointing.

For the most part, we remain a tolerant and kind society. Some of our European neighbours have been showing their displeasure at their lockdown with increasing protests and resistance. We seem to have stayed put. Some have argued we are being too easily led in our acceptance of our leaders’ decrees; others would say we have to obey for the common good. Whichever side we take, most of us are abiding by the law very possibly with an emotional and financial cost to ourselves. I sense a spirit of generosity in this that’s a real positive.

Our blogger from across the pond tells how s/he became emotional when going to ER (A&E to us) because the free NHS treatment wouldn’t lead to debt. The blogger also says how the British don’t like excess emotions because it makes them embarrassed. That strikes a chord. Perhaps it’s the “stiff upper lip” encouragement of the past (fortunately, trembling a little more nowadays) but, on the positive side, it’s also a way of remaining modest or not blowing our own trumpet. A characteristic of reserve. I like that. Praise is great but it's better when it comes from someone else. It's not the same when you're having to build yourself up to try and persuade someone that you're the best. Particularly when it doesn't come naturally.

What really touched me about the social media post was it seemed to be so different from how I’m being led to believe Britain is. Social media - the angry, aggressive type - tells me we live in an unjust, unfair world and we’re completely wrong most, if not all, of the time. 

Life is certainly not fair and the world should be a much more equal place. But all these social media posters seem to be in such a perpetual rage. It must be exhausting and it is most definitely not good for their mental health.

Just as I’m about to despair, along comes someone completely unknown who says generous and complimentary words about the country in which I live. How ironic that it takes someone from outside this small island to tell me how lucky I am to be here, even now when I’m confined to my home. 

Chimichanga007 ends the post, saying: “I miss you UK and I am coming back when this is all over! I know EU gives you sh** but you're my happy place and have a lot of compassion in your society!”

Fancy a person considering the UK as their “happy place”. It's hard to say better than that.

By Lulu Sinclair

Photo 1: Alistair MacRobert/Unsplash

Photo 2: Fas Khan/Unsplash 

Photo 3:  Ian Taylor/Unsplash

 

In Celebration of Love

February, a month that is still dark and drizzly and, to me at any rate, representative of a bleak time of year. The exception is St Valentine’s Day. 

I looked up its origins and they, too, seem to be a bit dark, with the theme running through all the legends of a Christian priest - Valentine - martyred after being put to death by the Romans for the illegal practice of marrying Christian couples. 

Let’s put that to one side for the moment; I’m looking for a story that cheers and inspires so let’s move on to how we think of the mid-month party event. Balloons, red-shaped hearts, dinner dates, marriage proposals, exciting cards with no signature from admirers we can only guess at. And, as the years go by and we may have settled for the one particular admirer, the lucky ones among us can still look forward to that card which reminds us of our youth and excitement and the dreams we had.

This year will be trickier, of course. Coronavirus was still creeping up on us last year but lockdown had not yet arrived. We could celebrate and go out and the young men and women’s fancies were turning towards spring with the delicious thoughts that season brings.

Those thoughts seem to have been flattened this year. There’s hope on the horizon but, for anyone searching for someone special, it’s hard to know how to look. No online dating; no pubs; no parties; no friendly introductions - it looks like this year’s Valentine’s Day might be a bit of a subdued affair.

For the purpose of this piece, how about we look at a different kind of love? Not the Eros type - the romantic or passionate love that will return soon enough - but the agape kind, the ancient Greek’s descriptive term for a generous or charitable love, one that encompasses all. 

Unsurprisingly, there has been a lot of complaining about how restrictive our lives have become. We’re used to at least some freedom of movement and there’s not too much of that going on right now. None of us are quite sure who to blame but we live in a society where blame matters and we’re sure we can hold someone to account.

It’s been easy to continue in our polarised discussion - government, or not, NHS or not, obedience, or not - and so it goes on. It’s not surprising, really, we have little else to do except naval gaze and throw out accusations. 

It’s been a long, hard haul but at last it is looking as though we are moving in the right direction. The UK’s vaccination programme seems to be moving through the population very quickly and, to the surprise of many of us, it really has been something by which we can be impressed.

And here we come to the agape love part. I have come across a number of people who volunteered to become vaccinators to help keep the programme going and they all report how moved they’ve been and how “teary” they became when they took part in the process for the very first time. Okay, one or two might have signed up because they wanted an early chance of the jab but most simply wanted to help and they wanted to be in at the start of something which has the potential to change/re-normalise all our lives. 

Inadvertently, what seems to have happened is that those who took part have also experienced the benefits of agape love. Their charitable deeds have left them with that wonderful feeling of having done something worthwhile while basking in the glow of admiration from friends and family for doing something for others. Internal and external praise you might say.

I was on the receiving end of such treatment recently when I went to have my own test for Covid-19. I booked online - it was simple - and was given a date for the test two days later. I drove to it and was directed to a (free!) parking bay by the first of a number of charming and efficient people. Each was at least as kind, considerate and helpful as the last and the whole process took less than 20 minutes. I had my result within the hour. 

In my own slight uncertainty and anxiety, I was on high alert for officialdom, bureaucracy, anything that could leave me feeling just that little bit more edgy and ready to rail. What I found, however, was an experience as good as it could be. The staff wore the same head-to-toe covering but, other than that they were as individual and diverse as could be found in this rich tapestry that is London. And what they did have in common, was a desire to put those of us coming for the test at ease. It worked like a dream. I left feeling a whole lot better than when I’d started out, with my young and enthusiastic supporters waving me off as I went. The experience lifted my spirits for the rest of the day and I’m smiling as I remember it. That is a personal glimpse of what agape love can do for each one of us.

So, in a month when we lost the inspiring Captain Sir Tom Moore and (my own personal idol) Christopher Plummer, aka Captain Von Trapp, the father-figure hero of my childhood, I’m going to take a moment to remember those who are no longer here. I feel sad but I take comfort in reflecting on the power of the unconditional love that is agape and how this testing and trying time is finally bringing out the good in us. I feel surprised, encouraged and strangely hopeful. Perhaps Eros can wait his turn for another year. 

 

By Lulu Sinclair

Photo 1:  Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

Photo 2:  Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Captain Sir Tom Moore portrait by kind permission of Alexander Chamberlin