Tuesday 26 January 2021

Reasons To Be Cheerful


The vaccination is being rolled out, Spring is (almost) within sight and yet I am finding many people feeling much gloomier than they were during the first lockdown.

It was summer then, of course, and it was a good opportunity to enjoy spending time away from the office and outdoors. Many of us were still earning so that was an added bonus. It was all going to be a short, sharp shock and then back to our normal lives. 


It’s not turned out quite like that, has it? It has gone on and on with not too much insight into when and what the end of this pandemic will look like. Maybe that accounts for a certain amount of gloom. That and the uncertainty of when life really will get back to normal. 


We all know that excess stress is not good for us and we are presently living in stressful times. We know, and we continue to stress - it’s one thing to be told to stay calm, it’s another thing to actively try and do it. 


However, a recent report from scientists at Ohio University says we really do need to take care of ourselves at this particular time. The study suggests those who are not managing very well at the moment, may not get the full benefit of a vaccination against coronavirus. The scientists studied results from vaccinations over the past 30 years and found stress, depression and an unhealthy way of living may adversely affect the body’s immune response to vaccination.


Put simply, those not in a good-enough frame of mind were less likely to find the vaccine fully effective than those other people who felt better, both mentally and physically.

I feel even more glum when I read the research so I suppose that’s not helpful. I know I need to keep my spirits up in case I’m suddenly called for a vaccination. I need to be in prime condition for when that moment comes. 


It’s hard, when you’re in a gloomy state of mind, to come up with reasons to be cheerful so I’ve been reflecting quite a lot on what I can do to change my state of mind.


I've decided, because of our very real actual limitations, that I’m going to try and seek more positives from how I’m living my day-to-day life. I'm suggesting to clients who are presently finding this lockdown so hard they might consider doing something similar.


For instance, this season is one that most of us rush through on the way to Spring. I hardly give it a glance. Bare trees, grey streets (if you live in the city), damp and a feeling of unremitting drudgery as I put the cheerful lights of Christmas behind me. That’s how it usually feels to me at any rate and this year it seems a highly exaggerated version of that.


So, this time, I’m taking the time to notice what’s going on around me. I’m noticing which trees are bare and which still have leaves. I’m trying to identify what they are and why it happens. I’m quite unquestioning about nature on the whole. It’s there and I’m very pleased about it but I don’t care that much. This year, I’m making more of an effort. 


I point out the tree phenomenon to the little person in my life and I’m relieved she’s not at the chatty point yet because that’s about the sum of my knowledge. To remedy that, I’ve bought a book on the outdoors. It’s a simple one for children about trees, birds, flowers etc but it’s doing me the power of good. I’m hoping that, by the time she’s ready for a full-on conversation, I’ll have slightly more knowledge than she does. 


We’ve just had some snow. Usually, it might present a problem in the sense of getting to work via train, bus or car. I remember how frightened I was when I had to drive through a snow drift with the car slip-sliding away along an unsalted main road to get to work. 

This time I was grounded and there was no need to be afraid.  Instead, I dressed up, put on sensible walking boots and went out to take pictures - along with hundreds of others - in the local park. The air was fresh, fellow humans were laughing and we all somehow reconnected as the snow fell. It’s turned to mush now so it didn’t last long but the cheerful memory lingers.


Talking of parks and the importance of nature, I went for a drive through Richmond Park. It’s still London but feels almost rural and the deer really do own it. I caught a glimpse of three white harts (white deer) - considered a lucky omen - comfortably resting just a little off the road. I wouldn’t have spotted them except I was doing the obligatory 20mph (I usually rail against that) and a shaft of sunlight seemed to settle exactly on their spot. It was a breath-taking moment. Another natural revelation to commit to memory. 


A friend tells me he gets pleasure from checking out the hours of dawn and dusk. He’s a cyclist and he tells me it lifts his spirits to see the days getting longer. I haven’t tried that yet but I might. The clock watching, that is, not the cycling.


I’m learning it’s good to be outside even if it’s for a short while. It reminds me that there is more to life than it may appear when the gloom descends. 


I’d like a vaccination and I’m longing to return to normal life so that remains my long-term focus. In the meantime, I’m going to concentrate on all the previously considered unimportant parts of nature that I’ve missed. For the moment, that’s something to which I can look forward. 



By: Lulu Sinclair


Photo 1: Helen Lord on Unsplash

Photo 2: Steven Cornfield on Unsplash

Photo 3: Valerie Romain on Unsplash


 

Monday 4 January 2021

Brexit - Positively My Last Word



It is four years since the referendum and Britain is now finally out of the EU - for good or ill, depending on your viewpoint. January is a traditional time for looking forward but this year is like no other in many people’s lifetime; we are uncertain about what it is we have to look forward to. Brexit still remains a very sore subject for almost half the population so I am using this blog to reflect on my own inner conflict.


Discussions about Britain’s “divorce” from Europe started in 2016 and the divorce term was quickly adopted nationwide. I argued the term was inaccurate; it was much more like deciding to leave a club we had once wanted to join but now decided that it no longer suited us and it was time to leave it behind. A bit of regret, perhaps, even some uncertainty but it wouldn’t take long to get over it. It’s the way life is.


I was wrong. The emotions this departure leaves us with are every bit as powerful as a divorce. For those who wish to remain - the abandoned partner - there is disbelief, fury, confusion as to how something started with such optimistic has ended in such abject failure. Very possibly, there is also a very strong desire for revenge. We, representing the EU lover, really want the person who has wronged us to suffer. Believe me, we say, they will. 


We rant on social media; we block friends who take the other’s side and we look forward with glee to proving that it’s all going to end badly. No matter how long it takes, it will.


The other side - the one that got away - is euphoric. This has been a long time coming. The future is blue-sky bright and the horizon stretches for miles in front of us. This is a blessed new dawn.


Neither view is entirely accurate of course. 


The EU, for example, is not perfect. Most of us have complained at one stage or another about its red tape bureaucracy, the fact that one size doesn’t necessarily fit all or we’ve just held on to our particular prejudice against a fellow member. Now, after Brexit, we look back at it all with a rosy glow.


Limitless opportunities or all at sea?

For the Brexiters - note the replacement of the Brexiteer word, which seemed to have a bit too much of a swashbuckling sound to it - they carry the memory of a once-great maritime power with an empire to show us we once ruled much of the globe and we can do so again. However, everyone will be aware times are different now and, as a geographically relatively small independent nation, we could be in for a rough time. 


There will be troubles ahead for both parties and the one who will do best from life will be the one who can accept and make the best of what comes next. 



So, back to the divorce analogy. The financial battle is over, the welfare of the children remains paramount to both parties (so we are told and so we must believe) and they will no longer be used as a bargaining chip for future financial negotiations. All we need to do now is move forward and get on with our own separate lives.


That's the rational, logical and reasonable part of the process. Unfortunately, it's mixed up with emotions and somehow they are always harder to keep under control. A public promise was made to stay together in good and bad times and someone has broken that promise and the grieving partner has been made a fool of - the instigator must be punished. The surging fury and hurt bubbles up to the surface for no obvious reason and we lash out, and the other person lashes out in response. And so it goes on. Unless we find some way of managing those uncontrollable feelings, our lives could be stalled for years, to our detriment.


I have seen clients who stay in this state for far longer than they see me. For some, there is an attachment to such a state of misery that goes way beyond the real value of the marriage. Sometimes I, as an outsider, wonder how they had held on so long. For others, it is all about the investment, the hopes and the dreams. It is about the despair when the marriage comes to an end and all those dreams have gone and there is nothing left. 


Sometimes the process of hearing their hurt is a form of healing. Talking it out does help. But for any psychotherapy to be successful, the client has to want some kind of change to take place. If they are not a willing participant, the process cannot work.


We are still at the very beginning of the Brexit road. We remain a polarised people. The isolation of Covid makes it harder for us to talk this out and our beliefs become even more entrenched.


I’m told there is a clause in the leaving treaty that allows for another re-examination of the situation in four years. For those feeling hopeless, this may represent a chance to reconsider the initial decision. Or, in four years’ time, it may be clear that leaving was the right decision after all. Who knows? 


What I do know, with quite a degree of certainty, is that holding on to such a level of anger and disappointment is not good for anyone’s mental health. All of us need to find some way of moving on, for now at least.




By Lulu Sinclair



Photo 1 by Call Me Fred on Unsplash

Photo 2 by Cinthia Aguilar on Unsplash